Lost Ourselves the Dignity
by Spinny Roses
Summary: During the day, I hate the death. The nights are different, though... (violence, sexual situations, remembered YuugiAnzu and JounouchiSeto, Jounouchi's POV, part three in "Shadow and Release" arc, submitted to Chibizoo's second YGO fanfiction contest)


**Disclaimer, notes, and warnings:**

Many of these will seem familiar to those of you that have read "'Cause I Will Shape the Day" and "Be a Lullaby for Rebirth." Unlike "Be a Lullaby for Rebirth," this story _will _be submitted to Chibizoo's Yu-Gi-Oh second fanfiction contest.

This story's title is from Wolfgang's "Atomica." I'm not sure there's more to say about that.

I'm going to try to keep this "R" rated, but considering that I'm going to be even more explicit with the weirdness, violence, and sexual situations, it's hard to say whether this will stay in "R" territory. It might creep up to be a light "NC-17." I will mention the Yuugi/Anzu that was in the previous parts. However, because of what I wrote in "Be a Lullaby for Rebirth," that's all it'll be. Same with the Jounouchi/Seto.

This story will go over the events that happened in the previous two Yu-Gi-Oh stories, only directly from Jounouchi's point of view. And more explicit, obviously. It's a good idea if you read "'Cause I Will Shape the Day" and "Be a Lullaby for Rebirth" before reading this story. Links, if you need them:

"'Cause I Will Shape the Day": 

"Be a Lullaby for Rebirth": 

And I realize I've only gotten more disturbing as I write more and more for this fandom. It's fun.

I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Which is kinda sad, because I like the manga and the characters and Anzu... Okay, I'm drooling. I won't deny it anymore. But she's so cute! And just tell me to stop fangirling, that the story's starting...

Lost Ourselves the Dignity

By Spinny Roses

It's getting closer to night, ya know. I used to like the night. You know, sort of like it. Night still had danger, 'cause people would try attacking then. And my dad would be home. That was never good.

But it was still better than day. Things were softer. Better for my eyes, at least. Yeah, I'm a little light sensitive. Don't tell anyone.

Think that's because I'm a host? Maybe.

I don't like night as much now. Not after the Shadows. Not after they killed the people I really and truly cared for.

Bile rises in the back of my throat, and I force it down again. My stomach is already protesting my earlier purging. But the memories keep coming... I keep remembering...

The first one wasn't that bad. I couldn't feel the Shadows wrap around Dad's mouth. I couldn't feel their joy or near perfect worship of me. That was okay, though. I just didn't want them to kill him. He was the only family I had nearby, ya know? I loved the lug, despite the fact I had to dodge beer bottles often.

It wasn't until Kaiba that things felt awful. Days now are always better than nights, mostly because the Shadows really don't like sunlight. They sleep, for lack of a better word. But the nights...

I could _feel_ every Shadow-infected cell within Kaiba. I could _feel_ his pain as they replicated, killing everything human in their path. And all the gods out there help me... I liked it. During the night, I liked feeling him die.

It's a little surprising that Kaiba lasted that long. Nothing in him really mutated... at least, not into a monster. He just was killed, little by little. Each time we fucked, something else in him was ruptured by the Shadows and died.

No one really knows this, but he went diabetic first. His pancreas, or whatever, was the first thing to die. People think it was his eyes, but those were second. Surprising, huh? His eyes were the first things I infected, after all. I guess eyes are more resistant to Shadow damage.

And I couldn't help myself during the night. I kept stripping him, shoving my cock into his stretched ass, and filling him with semen and Shadows. If I had a choice, I wouldn't have done that.

Of course, if I had a choice, I wouldn't be the Shadow's host, either.

Yuugi...

He knew something was wrong, you know. After Anzu's death, he kept looking at me, like he knew the Shadows still came from me. He was right.

I didn't really pay much attention to Yuugi, though. I should have. If I had, during the day, I could have stopped him from feeling what he did. Hate's a really good thing for the Shadows to bind to. And Yuugi hated. See, as far as I know, the Shadows didn't touch Anzu. I didn't want them to get in the way of hers and Yuugi's relationship. Yuugi had a crush on her for so long... I wanted them to be happy.

One freak twist of fate later, and Anzu was being lowered into the ground.

And Yuugi blamed the Shadows. He hated them with a passion.

There's something about hate that has the Shadows do different things. It's usually a psychological problem. In Yuugi's case, he... I don't know what happened. Bakura taught him how to summon so he could get revenge, and Yuugi...

Just so you know, it's really weird to see your best friend lick chunks of human off a card and _like_ it.

I lean over to one side, puking my guts out yet again. In my head, I see Yuugi's sweet, innocent face twisted into a psychotic grin as he licked his Dark Magician card clean of Bakura bits and blood. I see his tongue curl around the edge of the card, and gulp down the flesh with an almost seductive manner.

But instead of being there for Yuugi... instead of supporting him after Anzu's death... I was too busy with my own problems. More specifically, Kaiba.

He lost his eyes. They had to be surgically removed, and two glass fakes inserted in place.

And then he was on constant chemotherapy. They kept finding Shadow-infested cells. Oh, sorry. "Tumors."

And I loved him. It's hard to be sure, but I didn't hate him like I constantly said. I surely didn't want to see him in the constant pain he was in, losing his bodily functions little by little.

The sun's going down. I slowly get up, shoving my hands into my pockets. One hand bumps into something big, cold, and metal. Surprised, I pull it out, looking at it.

The Millennium Puzzle.

That's right. I took it off Yuugi's body right before I left.

I lean against the wall again, trying to repress tears. I can still almost feel myself still buried within Kaiba's ass as he fought for breath. My ears still hear the labored beat of his heart slowing... his gasps of pain...

It was like when Shizuka died. That was just another stupid accident. The Shadows had nothing to do with her either. Wet road, drunk driver, dead sister. That's it. But the sounds she made were the same. She died slowly and painfully, just like... just like Seto. Kaiba, I mean.

I suppress a sob. I don't know what Seto (Kaiba. _Kaiba_.) was about to say. "I love you"? Hah, like he would ever be that sentimental. He never said that to me. He didn't love me and I pretended like it was just sex between us.

And Yuugi saw that. He saw me fucking the great Kaiba Seto. He saw me pounding into him, forcing our bodies closer to orgasm. And he witnessed our climax.

After that, Yuugi tried to kill me. Surprise, surprise.

I wasn't in control then. It was night, after all. But I could feel every movement my body made. I felt myself pull out of Se-Kaiba's cooling body, and calmly cleaning myself off. Kaiba had just died, and I was calm. My stomach curls again at that thought.

Then I killed Yuugi.

Snapped that boy's neck, and felt joy with every crack of bone.

It's night now. My body pushes itself off the wall, and starts walking. A morbid part of my mind wants to go back to Kaiba's mansion and look at the burnt ruins. Just as some sort of twisted memory. But the Shadows take me away from where I want to go. A mission, maybe?

I doubt it. I don't know if the Shadows have any sort of mission in mind.

I should just let my mind go to sleep. The Shadows will do what they want with my body for the next few hours. Nothing I can do changes that.

Of course, if I sleep I'll have nightmares.

I am very close to saying "Screw it, I'll deal with the nightmares."

A sudden burst of arousal pulls my mind back to what the Shadows are doing with my body. Damn it, I really don't want to have some random piece of shit off the street fuck me. That's just more nightmare fodder right there.

I look out my own eyes, and go numb.

I can see the black hair. The dark brown eyes. Oh, and can't forget the wicked, wicked fangs. But the facial features are a hop, skip, and jump away from being exactly like Seto's.

The vampire Seto look-alike pushes aside my shirt, and snakes one hand into my pants. My head falls back as a groan escapes my lips. It feels really, really good. His teeth scrape across my chest, those sharp fangs drawing blood.

I can't help but enjoy it. I can feel the Shadow that mutated this poor guy into what he is now. Shadows are almost always attracted to me, and make things intense. His blood touched lips attack mine, kissing me deeply. I moan, and kiss him back.

He looks so much like Seto...

He pulls back. No, he rears back, ready to bite into me and kill me. The Shadow fills his features, pulling his skin taunt against his bones. He still looks like Seto...

But, the Shadows seem to tire of it. My hand reaches up, touching his chest. The vampire hesitates, then strikes.

It's a really weird feeling. My hand doesn't move, but it feels like it plunges deep into his body, grabs the Shadow, and yanks it out. The Shadow tries to escape my grasp, while nuzzling my hand at the same time.

And the Seto vampire collapses against me, dead.

I drop the Shadow, letting it scurry off to find someone new.

And I drop Seto's body onto the floor.

Oh gods...

I liked it. I liked killing him I liked killing him I...

My hand grabs at the Millennium Puzzle. It takes me a moment before I realize I actually did it. The Shadows didn't reach for it. I actually have control over my body now. I try to flex my other hand, and fail.

Okay, so just that one hand. I try to flex that hand, and fail as well.

Disappointment fills me. A fluke. A stupid... stupid fluke.

The Shadows walk my body somewhere else, ready to kill another person.

I don't want to see this. I want to go to sleep.

Fuck the nightmares.

The End


End file.
